The Slaptail Squad
He's the Beaveman, a sarcastic, angry, Army veteran who is full of guarded optimism and a love of comedy. His counterpart, the Swan, is the Padmé to his Darth Vader, the Evil-Lyn to his Skeletor, and the destroyer of fun. Together they use the podcast as a method of increasing their power and skills with both the light and the dark side of the force. They are joined by fellow squad members the Trailer Park Monster/Dark Lord of Brown-Town JD Hutchins, the King of Kalamazoo County Comedy Nolan Johncock, and a rotating cast of friends of the show. When they unite they are, "The Slaptail Squad," a force of humor and idiocy in a world gone completely nuts. Join them, become a part of the great Slaptail Nation, and embrace the collective craziness.
The Slaptail Squad
Sorry, you plan to dab what, where?
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Shout out to all our listeners all over the world and a special shout out to the people of Cyprus for helping us stay on the charts there.
Ever wondered where the fine line between cultural appreciation and appropriation lies? Strap in with the Slaptail Squad, including the incomparable GeGe as we navigate the complexities of workplace diversity with our signature blend of humor and sharp insight. From the perils of learning Spanish to the pitfalls of diversity roles in organizations, we're slicing through superficiality with unapologetic honesty and a healthy dose of laughter.
Now, hold your nose because we're about to plunge into the deep end of personal hygiene and intimacy. Have you heard of "vabbing"? If not, prepare for an eye-opening (and possibly nose-closing) discourse complete with anecdotes that might just make you rethink your next date night. Toss in a side of dietary restriction banter and grooming roasts among friends, and you've got yourself a recipe for some seriously spicy conversation.
And just when you thought things couldn't get more provocative, we take a fearless foray into the world of adult entertainment. With musings on everything from the quality of certain genres to the complexities of voyeurism, we're laying bare our thoughts (and perhaps a little more) on the industry's inner workings. Plus, don't miss our musings on comedy show drama, mustache appreciation, and a quick promo of upcoming gigs that promise even more unscripted hilarity. Join us for an episode that's as boundary-pushing as it is belly-laugh inducing.
Slaptail Nation
https://solo.to/beaveman
https://crawlspacecomedy.com/event/slaptail-nation-presents-slap-your-tail-comedy-2/
https://crawlspacecomedy.com/event/slaptail-stand-up-comedy-show/
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/slaptail-nation-presents-slap-your-tail-comedy-tickets-874439992557
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/next-generation-improv-tickets-878691097727?aff=erelpanelorg
Workplace Diversity and Cultural Appreciation
Speaker 1Slaptail Squad assemble.
Speaker 2If you were listening to this, you remember the Great Slaptail Nation, my nation, and who am I? I'm the Beave man, master of the Universe, creator of All Things, Great and Small, and Lord, high Commander of the Great Slaptail Nation Army, and with me today, live in the Beaver Den, all the way from the French Quarter, is our good friend Gégé. Hello, gégé, welcome to the show, Bonjour. If you would just maybe learn how to shave your armpits and not smell so bad. That would be great.
Speaker 4I will try my best.
Speaker 2All right, Thank you very much. How are things Gégé? How have things been?
Speaker 4Pretty steady I would say yeah.
Speaker 2What does steady mean? I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. I don't know.
Speaker 4Just sort of copacetic, it's all Ah it's copacetic. It's another French word that I do not understand.
Speaker 2I do not speak French, I do not know what copacetic means, but thank you very much. Also with us today. Live from the Uniden, where he's drafting his manifesto, is the Rons. Hey, hello.
Speaker 3Rons hey.
Speaker 2B-Man. How's it going, Rons?
Speaker 3I'm currently stuck on page one of the manifesto. I don't know what to write.
Speaker 2Usually people who write manifestos just write like thousands of pages, so you might want to get to it Thousands of pages of rambling thoughts about nothing in particular, just about how they are the greatest in the world. Okay, I can do that. Maybe manifestos aren't for you, so maybe manifestos aren't for you, then maybe that's the problem.
Speaker 3Probably not.
Speaker 2Alright and also with us today, coming to us live from Jackumstabum, home of Snap, crack and Pop. It's our good friends, our own portion of Puddin' Pop G-M-N-G. Good evening B-Man god damn, that's loud. Good evening, jumanji. Thank you for joining us. How are things?
Speaker 1somebody just said good evening.
Speaker 2In the background, who the fuck was that? Who's that?
Speaker 1what is going on there? Why is your mic being weird? What did you?
Speaker 2do? What did you touch? I thought it was the wrong noise, uh-oh. What is going on there?
Speaker 4Why is your mic being weird?
Speaker 2No, it's being weird. What'd you do? What'd you touch Nothing. Okay, all right, well was there somebody in the background that said good evening, who's there with you?
Speaker 1Outside.
Speaker 2Outside so they could hear you say good evening. That's crazy, maybe. All right J maybe Jumanji is a friendly person well, back to saying good evening Jumanji good evening, beautiful people yes, good evening, yes, good evening, good evening alright, that's racist. What's that?
Speaker 4sure habibi, I have been learning the Spanish.
Speaker 2I have been learning the Spanish very diligently and it is my goal by this time next year to be fluent nice yes, thank you very much.
Speaker 4Thank you, I do try why don't you practice right now?
Speaker 2let's see, let's see, yo quiero manzanas tenemos.
Speaker 1Let's see, let's see, yo quiero manzanas Tenemos.
Speaker 4Okay.
Speaker 2Papas.
Speaker 4Wow.
Speaker 2Si.
Speaker 4Have you gone to a restaurant to try to order food yet?
Speaker 2I have ordered food in restaurants before. Okay, I actually understand a lot of Spanish. When people speak to me, I know what they're saying, it's just I can't respond back. Yeah, I'm like that with Arabic.
Speaker 4Yeah, I can't respond back. Yeah, I'm like that with Arabic.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 4I can respond to some things, but I understand it more than I can speak. What about French? French, I've only had a semester of it in college.
Speaker 2Okay, well then, why are you Zizi?
Speaker 4Because I like the Zizi.
Speaker 2It's nice, I see, okay.
Speaker 3That is what we call appropriation, people. No, it's my cultural appropriation. Is it really? Because?
Speaker 2I you know what just recently I heard about that, what hold on what? What you just recently heard about cultural appropriation hold on.
Speaker 3Let me finish the statement here. No, and someone came on and says it's not cultural appropriation, it's cultural appreciation. So when you want to learn about another culture and you want to adapt to it, you appreciate it Okay get that mic right by your mouth.
Speaker 2Get that mic like a fist from your mouth.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2There you go. Dynamic mic. It's a learning curve. It's only been four years, except for you, gigi. It's only been four years for Jumanji and Ron's, who still don't know how to use microphones.
Speaker 4That's okay. Jumanji and Ron's, who still don't know how to use microphones.
Speaker 2That's okay. That's okay, jumanji, what's going on with you?
Speaker 1Yeah, tell us about how you've culturally appreciated something Jumanji here in Ron's speak. It makes me think about places where they try to be inclusive. So then they have a diversity presentation, but it doesn't go anything past that presentation. There's no work done, but they take pride in being able to say, oh yeah, we are here for all.
Speaker 4It's like when you have DEI training and then people are like yes, we're going to do this, and then they don't do anything.
Speaker 2You know, what always makes me mad is and I've worked, I worked for an organization recently that did the same thing Like, oh, we're going to have this diversity group, diversity department and they hire somebody to be in charge of the diversity and I was like, a hundred percent, a hundred bucks, says this person's black. Yep, I'm like, so you, you can't, it can't ever be anybody else who's in charge of diversity. They always got to pick a black person to do it. I'm like so you're not really being diverse. You're just saying, hey, we're going to look cool by picking a black person to be in charge of this, but the number one minority is Hispanics. So I'm like, so I'm like I'm right over here. They're not any more qualified to learn lead diversity training than I am. They didn't have any certifications or anything at all. We had two diversity mandatory meetings. This was two years ago. Never heard about it again.
Speaker 1Why is that?
Speaker 4Because they just want to check the box that they well, a lot of companies are under scrutiny because of it.
Speaker 2Yeah, or they'll you know, or they'll you know. That's, that's the big thing. Oh, we hire this many, uh diverse people and then they're like by the way, are you gay? Because if you are, that checks another box. You can't.
Speaker 1We get two for one, by the way are you a gay, black, ex-military?
Speaker 2We can check three boxes right there. Okay, great, and do your parents identify as Native American by any chance?
Speaker 4What the fuck is wrong with you people.
Speaker 2I mean, you don't have to answer these questions by the way. Okay, good, I won't Go. Fuck off Stupid.
Speaker 4I've noticed now that when you apply for jobs, there's the disability question and asking if you have a disability, and there's this huge list of things that are considered disability list of things that are considered disability and they want to know if you have currently have a disability disability or have had one in the past. So that's a very strange question to me, because I thought you're not supposed to ask if someone has a disability because that's illegal, but then they're asking you this voluntarily.
Speaker 2it doesn't make any sense well, they're asking voluntarily, because it's the same thing. If you hire people that are disabled, then that looks good also.
Speaker 3Yes, how do you have a disability from the past?
Speaker 4So let's say, you suffer from depression because you had depression years ago. That's a disability. That's in the list of disabilities, which is stupid because unless you.
Speaker 2so there's a difference between depression, dysthymia anyway. So if you actually have a diagnosis of, for example, major depressive disorder, that's a lifelong diagnosis, right? So if you had a, if you had a diagnosis of, maybe a dysthymic disorder, or you had a depressive episode because of something that happened to you like bereavement, like somebody died and you were upset about it, and you don't actually have major depressive disorder, that's not a true diet, that's not a chronic diagnosis.
Speaker 4True, so I guess it depends on your diagnoses.
Speaker 2Yeah, but again, that's none of their business either. Yeah, that's why it's voluntary. But I always check that box for the disability part of it. I always check that. And then I check it, but then I'm always. And the reason why I check it is because someday I'm going to. There's going to be a point in my life where I'm like you know what, I'm not going to work as much as I work because I just literally can't do it anymore. So I'm just gonna be like, well, then I need accommodations. I'm not going to Because I really I mean, I already know that I shouldn't be working 40 hours a week anyway.
Speaker 4No, no, no one should.
Speaker 3No, how many hours should you be working?
Speaker 425.
Speaker 224.
Speaker 4That should be the max.
Speaker 2Yeah, people shouldn't work as much as we work in America. We're just working to die. That's all we're doing For a possible retirement and then just die.
Speaker 4That's unfortunate.
Speaker 2It is unfortunate.
Speaker 4Well, this country doesn't respect people's you know, not that they don't respect. They just want people to work and work, and work, because they want us to be worker bees. Yeah, to make the rich rich right To make the rich rich and we're just suffering all the time trying to get to the next day, next day.
Speaker 2Yeah, and hopefully, hopefully, we, and then thankfully, if they're hot, I for one will welcome them.
Speaker 3alien or robot overlords, well you know, with one big emp all the robot overlords will be dead, but the amish will take over. So it's amish or robot overlords why would the amish take over?
Speaker 4there's not that many of them yeah, but they have better grip on what's how to survive.
Speaker 2They have a better grip on incest. Is that what you're saying? Oh no, I'm not saying that, but I'm sure that's a thing. They have a better grip on diddling children.
Speaker 4Oh. No, the priests have that part covered. Oh no, I've had friends who've been fucked by priests Dang.
Speaker 2Hot take Gigi.
Speaker 4Thanks, thanks, using my own words against me.
Speaker 2It's your turn on the mixie, gigi, you had something that you were going to start doing. Is that correct?
Speaker 4I'm not doing it. I've just heard about it recently. I have not.
Speaker 2I think you have, I have not, I can tell.
Speaker 1Alright have any of you heard of VABING V-A-B-B-I-N-G.
Speaker 3VABING Ron, have you heard of it?
Speaker 1No, Let me ask what do you think it is? You know, I'll throw myself on a limb.
Speaker 3Here I'm going to say it's something to do with Kegel exercises, but it does have to do with the vaginal area, the vajayjay huh, I don't know how the vajayjay works. I set you up for that, by the way. I really did. I have no clue. The man knows what it is because we spoke about it.
Speaker 4True, true that, by the way, I really did. I have no clue. He knows what it is because we spoke about it.
Discussion on Personal Hygiene and Intimacy
Speaker 2True, true, true, true, true. All right, I will not say anything.
Speaker 4Vabbing is when a person with a, you know, with a vagina, uterus, labia, whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 2I think I have a uterus. It's a vulva. Why do they have to have a uterus?
Speaker 4You, you don't have to have a uterus, you don't have to have a uterus With a vulva Takes your fingers and you take some of your secretions and you use it as your own sort of perfume.
Speaker 1So you dab a little bit whatever on your pulse points New guy's in the corner puking his guts out, ah, ah.
Speaker 3So, other than the what would seem to be a primordial uh attraction?
Speaker 4Primordial. I think you meant pheromones. Is that what you're thinking of?
Speaker 2Primal, no primordial, not primordial, but that's okay. Primal, well, no, primordial, okay you meant the ooze itself, the secret of the ooze, if you will.
Speaker 4I was secret itself, the secret of the ooze, if you will. The secret of the ooze.
Speaker 3That's what we're going to call my next perfume. So why are you doing this? Why are you?
Speaker 4doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm asking if anyone has heard of it because I heard about it recently and I thought it was pretty hilarious.
Speaker 2I mean, I know what would work better than that, but I don't have a problem with.
Speaker 4No, jizz is not going to work, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2No, it's not it.
Speaker 4I would say bathing, yes, but yeah, bathing. But here's the thing If you like a person's smell, that's just going to entice you even more, isn't it? I don't know, I haven't tried it.
Speaker 2Well, not everybody's vajayjay smells the same.
Speaker 4That's correct. Everybody has their own scent. Vajayjay smells the same. That's correct. Some of them are very intoxicating. Just like your nuts have their own smell Well.
Speaker 2now it's tangerine.
Speaker 4Yes, we learned that last week he has tangerine loomy all over his junk.
Speaker 2Like an orchard down there, like an orchard.
Speaker 4It's like Florida.
Speaker 2Like a ball sack orchard.
Speaker 4Oh God, that stuff smelled like shit, by the way, in the tube.
Speaker 2Yeah, but it smells better on my nuts.
Speaker 3I guess you went a little too far on the nose.
Speaker 4No, I did, though. I said that it did.
Speaker 2It smells bad in the tube.
Speaker 4It smelled like a little bit of tangerine and poop at the same time. For some reason it smells bad. I don't know how it shit fingers after they touched it. That might have been what you smelled, my shit fingers.
Speaker 2I love it, my little shit fingers, little bloop. Anyway, jumanji, have you ever smelled a bad nether region? And what did you do? Yeah, did you throw up? Oh, I didn't throw up, I just did that gesture. And so then, what did you do? Just thwap it really, okay. Was it a guy or a gal? It was a gal, a gal, okay. So did you fist it after that, or what? Did you do I don't know for real.
Speaker 1I'm not on the left and you said sorry, I can't stand your smell. I'm leaving interesting.
Speaker 2You probably crushed that person. They probably haven't recovered wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 4Were you trying to go down on this person and perform oral sex? Is that what happened? Okay, so you just said I'm done the smell.
Speaker 2I'm done you could have just licked the smell off and then proceeded oh my god.
Speaker 4I almost tripped on my mouth. Seriously, just get it out the way. At that point did you say no, proceeded. Oh my God, I almost tripped on my mouth.
Speaker 3Seriously, just get it out the way you could have that point Did you say no, I'm going over to men. It's a lot cleaner.
Speaker 1Not necessarily runs. No, that's how it was.
Speaker 2That one experience made him gay.
Speaker 4The scent didn't didn't agree with his nasal passages. Their pheromones were not attracted to you.
Speaker 2It's very possible, though, that that person did not smell bad, just smelled bad to you, to you, correct? Thank you, gigi. Thank you for agreeing with me.
Speaker 4What about you, Rons? Do you go down on Little Putter Donut?
Speaker 3Of course I do.
Speaker 4Oh good.
Speaker 2Recently, well, not recently no I'm gonna sleep today.
Speaker 4Well, she didn't mean like.
Speaker 3It doesn't mean like right, I meant recently as in like in the last, he's like no, no, not last week, no, we've been just that'd be funny.
Speaker 4He walks in and just wipe his face off.
Speaker 2Sorry, I was busy. It's like I was with little powder donut. Now I'm a glazed donut.
Speaker 3Yeah, you get that glow, that glow.
Speaker 4Yeah, jumont, you like that one glazed donut. No, we're going to call it the that was good there you go, diesel glazed eclair.
Speaker 1Oh, that was good. Beef man Eclair Now.
Speaker 2I want sweet waters, I know that sounds delicious.
Speaker 4Somebody go get me a sweet water donut please. Do they want to be our sponsor?
Speaker 2Boston Cream, boston Cream, thank you.
Speaker 4Boston Cream's your favorite.
Speaker 2I love a good Boston Cream. They also make this one that's called New York Cheesecake. It's got pink frosting on it, so good. So, swan, please go.
Speaker 4I can't eat it. It's so sick, oh yeah.
Speaker 2Oh, because it's got gluten in it oh no, oh the gluten. I can't have the gluten. It'll make me shit. Oh guys, oh, just thinking about it right now is giving me abdominal cramping.
Speaker 3Bingo. Forgive my memory lapse here. Gigi, you can't have gluten.
Speaker 4No, I can't. Oh my God of course not.
Speaker 2That's why we're making fun of her right now with gluten.
Speaker 4Yes, I cannot have gluten. It makes me sick.
Speaker 3Wow.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3Gigi, yes so if I got you a gluten-free donut? How would that put me in your good graces? Just, made out of meat Maybe all right, I know what to do that's.
Speaker 2That's what ron's named his asshole my asshole is named gluten-free donut free donut you're damn straight, it is no, thank you.
Speaker 4Anyway, back to the whole smell thing. Tastes like shit, right?
Speaker 3I mean, unless you wash it properly it won't.
Speaker 4I do wash it properly, do you use?
Speaker 3a bidet. I have used a bidet actually. Uh-huh, that's the weirdest feeling I ever fucking got.
Speaker 2What are you talking about?
Speaker 3like the back end of the bidet I won't say it wasn't good, it was just a weird feeling, so nice so good, I'm so nice so do you ever play with your like a detachment showerhead?
Speaker 4you're talking about me or ron's?
Speaker 3interesting. I do not have a Ron's. I know you probably do Nice.
Speaker 2Nice. You know what? I don't think I appreciate. Gigi just said Jumanji was number one. I don't think that we appreciate Jumanji just jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about Gigi.
Speaker 4That's right how dare you speak about my showerhead like that.
Speaker 1Do you have you used?
Speaker 2one for pleasure, for God's sake.
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 1What have you B-Man?
Speaker 2Used one for pleasure.
Speaker 1No.
Speaker 2What am I going to do with it?
Speaker 4In your butthole. Stick it in your butthole. You know it's an erogenous zone, yeah yeah, I understand erogenous.
Speaker 2Yes, I understand the erogenous zone. I do understand that. Thank you, stop using these, sorry.
Speaker 1Stop using these giant.
Speaker 2French words.
Speaker 3I'm sorry. I like Gigi's take on that where it's like it's going to make a sound if you're going to circular motion.
Speaker 4It's like a wine glass when you take your finger and go around the ring of it.
Speaker 2Man yours is that big, that ring that you're. Wow, that's pretty. Oh, speaking of buttholes, who, was making the motions now.
Speaker 1She said it when she did this motion.
Speaker 2I'm like, damn, you got a big asshole, that's a big ass I.
Speaker 4But let me tell you what I saw today on tiktok, which was hilarious. Someone was making jewelry or had some like a little mold and it said oh, we got our mother daughter butthole impressions somebody this mother and daughter made impressions of their butthole with clay or something and sent it to this person to create some sort of charm out of it. It was gross, disgusting, absolutely really yeah I don't.
Speaker 4I don't know what it was, but I watched it and some other person was commenting on and said wait, you have a mother daughter sharing their asshole impressions and sending them to this person to create what jewelry out of it? I don't understand.
Speaker 2That's weird. I mean, if I, if I needed that done, I would just send them my underwear after I've done a loony stamp, my little loony stamp.
Speaker 4Your loony stamp.
Speaker 2My little loony stamp.
Speaker 4Kissed your underwear. I could not stop laughing at that last week. By the way, my wee loony stamp oh, Kissed her underwear. I could not stop laughing at that last week.
Speaker 2by the way my wee loomy stamp, oh God. Anyway, I would be okay with women using that, but I do feel like bacon is a better option. You dab a little bacon behind a little bacon grease behind your ears, yeah. A little hamburger grease, no bacon Bacon. Gigi Follow along.
Speaker 4All right, bacon, bacon. I'll do. Bacon Shut up out of I'm going to shove it on my cleavage. Put a big slice of bacon down there.
Speaker 2I love bacon.
Speaker 4Ron's just getting excited. He's like did you have bacon?
Speaker 2I love bacon so goddamn much.
Speaker 3Oh yeah, Bacon goes great with anything.
Speaker 2You could wrap a donut with bacon. That'd be delicious.
Speaker 4I'm sure people have done that.
Speaker 3I feel like I should do that now I think Sweetwater's actually made a maple. No, actually they did, but I was at a they did a maple bacon one.
Speaker 4I believe, yes, you're right.
Speaker 3There was one at the farmer's market I went to. They called it Devil Dog. It had a maple bacon icing frosting on it.
Speaker 2Yeah, but I want to. It was just One actual bacon on it.
Speaker 4He just wants to slice a bacon in his mouth.
Speaker 2I love bacon. Oh, so good, just thinking about it right now. Bacon, oh anyway, speaking of that whole gluten thing, yes, uh, you'll be happy to know that I, I did this set. Uh, gg was so mad at me the other day.
Speaker 4I wasn't mad. It was not my fault, by the way, sure yeah, I'll wait.
Speaker 2First of all, it was not my fault, let me. Let me explain what happened. Go ahead, it's all g all Gigi's fault, by the way. Okay, so I got asked to do this show slash mic, whatever and I was like, okay, yeah, cool, I'll do it. And it was at a smoke lounge and I sent it to Jumanji. Jumanji, did you watch it? Yes, and whenever he hesitates, I know he didn't.
Speaker 1I have not watched it.
Speaker 2He had me send it to him days ago I did. Days ago, I did. Oh damn, gigi I didn't even send it to you, did I? I will watch it.
Speaker 4No, oh, I'll have to send it to you Because I wasn't there, because I couldn't get in.
Speaker 2Well, it's recorded. I could send it to you, fine, it to you, fine. Anyway, now it makes no sense because Jumanji didn't watch it, even though he had me send it to him. Uh-oh, that's alright, you know who did watch it. You know who watched it. Swan Guess, who Take a guess, who always has my back?
Speaker 1JD.
Speaker 2Of course he did, because you know what you can always count on JD, you can count on you.
Speaker 3Shout out to JD. Shout out to JD.
Speaker 1Dark Lord of Browntown.
Speaker 2Dark Lord of Browntown.
Speaker 1Swan was there.
Speaker 2Okay, anyway, so head to this show. It was at a smoke lounge, Not tobacco smoke, mind you.
Speaker 4Mary Jane the.
Speaker 2MJ. Yep, and so we're waiting there to go on and we show up, and Gigi shows up late, mind you.
Speaker 4No, no, no, I was on time. It was 7.15. The show didn't start till 7.30. It was literally down the street from my house.
Speaker 2So why were you so late then?
Speaker 4I wasn't late. I didn't realize I had to get there super early. You told me to be there whenever, and so I got there at 7.15. I was in the middle of something at home. Got there and they're like no, but did you sign up and reserve a seat? What are you talking about? You're supposed to reserve a seat. I did not reserve a seat. Do you have any seats left? No, we don't have any for the 7.30 show and we don't have any for the 9 o'clock show.
Speaker 2Okay, I guess I'm leaving is not what happened. You did not see me. Did you not see me talk to them and be like what the fuck is going on with that? I guess I did. I guess you were not paying attention, because I did say to them like what the fuck?
Speaker 3are you talking about? You didn't drop the beatman's hand to get in, Anyway.
Speaker 2I was like what are you talking about? What list?
Speaker 4You didn't hear that whole to figure out why the hell I couldn't get in. It was annoying.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's why I was like I'm like what are you talking about? I said shit right then, anyway, so Gigi could not get in, which was bullshit, it said on the banner. It said nothing about that on the banner. On the flyers.
Speaker 4Why wouldn't they tell people that I have no idea?
Comedy Show Drama and Mustache Appreciation
Speaker 2It's so dumb? It was dumb. Anyway, it was their first show, so I was like all right, well, I'll say something to them more later, which I did, so I did have to apologize to Gigi, who was very mad at me.
Speaker 4I didn't realize you had stood up for me. Thank you, yeah, twice.
Speaker 2Anyway, I didn't know she wasn't paying attention. Anyway, as I tried to tell G, tell gg, I cannot be a complete asshole because if I am, as a producer and as rep of slapdail nation, I have to look like I'm somebody that you should work with, like I shouldn't.
Speaker 2I mean, I can't just chew people's asses I wasn't asking you to do that, I know I, I stood up, I did say stuff because I was not happy about it anyway, and there were seats in there, which afterwards, of course, afterwards the guy came, the same guy I talked to he comes, comes out and he's like hey, man, there are seats in there. I'm like you sent my fucking friend away and he's like I'm sorry.
Speaker 4Uh-huh.
Speaker 2I'm like all right, so anyway.
Speaker 4He should have just said stick around for a little bit, let's see if there are seats, and he's like nope, sorry bye, yeah, okay. Then he said buy any of your products after you just fucking just want me to leave. No, never.
Speaker 2Anyway. So I really wish you would have watched my set Jumanji, because I did a whole little gluten thing on my set, so I will have to have Gigi watch it and I'll send you a link to Ron's if you want to watch it.
Speaker 3Well, can we hear part of it for the podcast? I don't remember it.
Speaker 2Oh, a lot of times the sets I don't. I've written so much stuff that a lot of times if it's an open mic I don't pay.
Speaker 2I just go up there and I do jokes yeah, whatever pops in your head if it's a show like, if it's a show that we produce and that we that I'm actually in, by the way, I've never been in a show that I haven't produced. Just so everybody knows, if you ever want to be a comedian on a show or a comic on a show or somebody who tells jokes on a show and nobody's you know and you can't get on a show because nobody's asking you to be on a show, produce your own goddamn show.
Speaker 3That's what I do, smart, best way for me to get on a show a lot of people have done that in hollywood or, uh, in the entertainment business. It's like they want to do something. They just go out and produce it themselves and start it.
Speaker 2It's actually some of the advice that a lot of performers will say that are in the comedy industry. They're like, oh, you can't get on it, Make one produce your own, do it Just go be on your show.
Speaker 3Just like your own, uh, vaping.
Speaker 2Sure.
Speaker 4It's your own with your juice, that'd be, interesting, yeah, to see how it reacts on your skin jumanji glaze your own face glaze, no yeah glaze your own face and
Speaker 2power donuts, kind of small. You could probably just pick her up and rub her all over your face.
Speaker 4Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2Snail trail it just all over.
Speaker 4Way to go. That's awesome. There was a person I saw perform on Saturday night. He had the thickest mustache I've ever seen. It looked like Ned Flanders. He looked like Ned Flanders but he played amazing fiddle. And I leaned over to my friend and I said I want to glaze that mustache it was awesome, nice did you say show it?
Speaker 3is that a turn on for you? A thick, bushy mustache?
Speaker 4I love facial hair. I love mustache beers. I don't thank you for I didn't say that, but but that's for Little Powder Donut. That is not my thing, so I do love, not hers either. I do love yeah, hey-o, hey-o, hey-o.
Speaker 3There we go.
Speaker 4He had great facial hair and mustaches do not work on every person, just like no one should ever have a goatee and I know a lot of people love goatees and I'm sure we're gonna get shit because I said this but the goatee needs to go, although t for years?
Speaker 2oh god it's. It just looks like you're putting a target on your mouth.
Speaker 4I look like a pirate guy by god. No beard. I think I want either beard, mustache or nothing that's. But that's my preference, not other people's.
Speaker 3So so have you seen ron swanson's mustache, that type of mustache yeah, that's one of my favorites.
Speaker 4I love him. Nick offerman is one of my favorites. He's amazing anyway.
Speaker 2So so we're saying the, the, the vapping is out, or?
Speaker 4vabbing. Vabbing is out.
Speaker 2Yes, we're saying I don't know if it's out or in, or whatever it is you want to do couldn't you do the same thing as a dude, just like rub the intertrigenous area and stick that behind your ears?
Speaker 4I suppose you could. Why not? I mean, I can. Oh God, I shouldn't say this out loud, I won't get it.
Speaker 2Why not?
Speaker 4Because sometimes I can tell when people have scratched their balls and I can smell it on them. She's like a bloodhound with dick I am. I have a strong sense of smell. It's like a scratch and sniff for you isn't it, yes, exactly. Oh Jesus, it's bad. I'm like Jumanji. I remember years ago I was with this person and I was about to perform the oral and went down and it was the most horrific smell that went into my nostrils. Maybe it was just your breath wafting back at you.
Speaker 4No, it was not my breath. Had I put my mouth on his dick, it would have been my breath, but it wasn't.
Speaker 2Just lick the smell off and go to it.
Speaker 4Stop it no.
Speaker 2Shammy it.
Speaker 4Just stick my boobs on him and be like let me clean it off first.
Speaker 2That's what you could do. You could loomy your boobs and just stick it on there.
Speaker 4And then make them smell better. Be like come here, try this out, let me do a little titty fucking and put loomy there, and then it'll just cover it all up. That's a good idea.
Speaker 2You would have to have a giant cock to titty fuck Gigi, I mean I've, gg, I mean I've. There's lots of sizes that have been between them.
Speaker 4I wouldn't even if I started from the bottom, mine would not even come out the top. Wait, I can it would get lost somewhere in there it wouldn't even have to.
Speaker 2It'd be like very little motion, like just geez it'd still feel good panic because I'm like where'd it go?
Speaker 4where is? Where is it and you're like, let me find it?
Speaker 2Give it back, Give it back. I start hitting the remote on my dick to find it. I'm like click, click, click.
Speaker 4Click, click, click. Oh there it is Now. You see it, now you don't. Now you see it Now you don't. Terrible, terrible it's.
Speaker 1I feel like this is one of those moments when you just say whatever you're thinking, Jumanji how far could your dick go into Gigi's boobs?
Speaker 2How far would yours make it? Would you be able to see the end of your penis?
Speaker 4I have a big cleavage, sorry.
Speaker 2It's like a couple of Rottweilers under a blanket.
Speaker 3Are we talking the?
Speaker 2grand annual cleavage. Anyway ahead. Do you mind what you say?
Speaker 1so I will at least peek to the other side, oh okay, so we could see your eye I'm just like hello and give it a little lick.
Speaker 2Hey, everyone has wrong yeah, I was about to. If you want to go ahead, where's? Where are you going to ask, ron? Yeah?
Speaker 4I was about to. Where are you going to go? I was trying to avoid that question.
Speaker 3I was like, okay, I'll just keep quiet and see where it goes. Yeah, you had to call me out on that one geographically.
Speaker 2Where would your wrangler end up in the canyon?
Speaker 3oh, probably not even reaching the entrance can't even breach the entrance.
Speaker 4He has a micropenis. Is that why can't even breach the entrance? He has a micropenis. Is that why Dang?
Speaker 2Can't even breach the entrance. That's terrible.
Speaker 4Do you just have a really big clit, rons, there?
Speaker 3you go. Well, you know, every man has this ego problem. Sometimes he's like, well, I would poke her in the throat and she would choke, oh God.
Speaker 4That's not something we like. I'm just going to tell people that Some that's not something we like.
Speaker 3I'm just going to tell people that Maybe some people that right now it's not a thing.
Speaker 4I know people, whatever. What's not a thing you know trying to choke on my dick, bitch. You're like no, how about you choke?
Speaker 3on my fist. I meant to say poke, but choke, yeah, I guess would be the thing.
Speaker 4Like I get if people guys feel really proud about their dick because they're like look, I went down her throne, made her choke. Yeah, you know what that makes me want to vomit, thank you very much. Now you're hitting my reflexes and if I'm not in control of it and you're trying to shove your dick into my mouth, that's gonna make me throw up. But if you, let me do it, I will show you what I can do with it, and it's going to be way better than you grabbing my head and trying to shove it down in there.
Speaker 2Come on, yeah and then you just toss a big bowl of stomach soup on their dick.
Speaker 4I mean, it's happened before to me, one time where I threw up a little bit and I was like, sorry dude, you didn't listen. I told you to stop Fascinating. Yeah, it's fascinating.
Speaker 1Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 3It's all about the breathing.
Speaker 4Yeah, you have to breathe properly and you can control your gag reflex.
Speaker 1You have to allow a person to do that, and if you don't, Jumanji do you enjoy going down and putting beautiful cocks in your mouth? So it's not my favorite thing to do. Interesting, however, I don't mind doing it. Okay, but, like you said, I know that I can do it well, but you have to allow me to do it, that forcing stuff.
Speaker 4It's wrong.
Speaker 1It's wrong and it's not arousing on our side.
Speaker 4Well, I think the problem is and I've said this before that because of free porn, so many young people have watched videos, thinking this is how you're supposed to do it, and don't really ask questions to their partners, so they assume this is what I should be doing. I should be grabbing her hand and I should be rubbing really hard on the clit and I should be like smacking tits around.
Speaker 2Ron's how do you suck a cock?
Speaker 4I was just going to ask that of you, B-Man Too late.
Speaker 2I got you first. I don't, I got you first. I don't, I got you first. You don't Okay.
Speaker 4Have you ever? No, have you ever thought about it? No, really, really, everybody's thought about it. Everybody's thought about it, come on.
Speaker 2There's a lot of human brain thoughts that you can't stop If you're saying you haven't self.
Speaker 4That's true. I think every person has thought about what it is.
Speaker 2Literally, we just said it. There's no way you can stop your brain from immediately thinking about it.
Speaker 4How about have you thought about sucking your own cock?
Speaker 3That is interesting, because then that would eliminate the need for women and I could satisfy myself and I would be the best lover there is.
Speaker 4How do you know? Why would?
Speaker 3you do that Because I would take myself out to a nice restaurant and then you know, I I would have to put out if you wanted anything.
Speaker 2How that works is that is that what it works. If you take somebody to a nice restaurant, they have to put out runs.
Speaker 3That was you're saying well for me, I, I would put my, you know, I would put out for myself that was a very good answer, considering what he asked you.
Speaker 4Yeah, I was waiting for something to come out of your mouth fell into the drastic trap, didn't he?
Donut Preferences and Sensual Experiences
Speaker 2he did also known as gg's punani oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh.
Speaker 4I love it.
Speaker 2I am so hungry for donuts right now.
Speaker 4Oh my gosh, it's not great, it's not? No, you don't want a donut?
Speaker 2Oh, I really do want a donut. Ladies donuts no. I really want the New York cheesecake.
Speaker 1Jumanji do you like donuts? I don't really enjoy donuts.
Speaker 2What the fuck is wrong with you. I don't really eat donuts. You don't enjoy sucking dick and you don't like donuts. What the fuck is wrong with you.
Speaker 1I just said I didn't enjoy it. I just said it's not my number one.
Speaker 4What's your number one? How many numbers are there?
Speaker 2Jesus, Jesus.
Speaker 4I can only think of two, I can only think of two Jumanji.
Speaker 2Then you are not a good lover.
Speaker 4Seriously, what do you mean? It's not just what.
Speaker 1What two Either.
Speaker 2It's not just what. What to? Either I'm jamming it somewhere, well that's it, either I'm jamming it somewhere, or that's it. That's it what about your mouth. It's still jamming it somewhere.
Speaker 4There's no jamming okay. This is not a toast and jam no jamming.
Speaker 1No jamming Walak no jam.
Speaker 4I love that character so much. I love when you do that Beefman, I do Anakin your mom, she like it when I jam.
Speaker 3There we go.
Speaker 4That's awesome. Hey, Anakin, you want me to jam your mother?
Speaker 2Oh, she like it. She likes it very much. She like it. There is so much sand. She gets the sand and hovers JJ, she like it.
Speaker 4There is so much sand we're all in our crevices.
Speaker 3You know there are a lot of Star Wars fans coming out there. He did not just do that he don't like.
Speaker 4Watto.
Speaker 2Nobody likes Watto.
Speaker 4He's an asshole in the movie. Have you watched the movie's runs?
Speaker 2You believe in slavery? I have Nobody's going to come to Watto's freaking defense. Oh, that beef man really disparaged Watto.
Speaker 4He's the one character I want to give a shit about.
Speaker 2He's just a misunderstood slave owner.
Speaker 4He's my dad as an alien.
Speaker 3I don't think anybody's going to go to Dr Pink's funeral either.
Speaker 4Well, he's not a slaver, Anyway back to what we were talking about. Jumanji, hold on. I want to go back to this because, b-man, you said that there's only two things you're doing. Are you saying you don't do anything with your mouth?
Speaker 2I consider that as part of all of it. Okay, that's what I'm saying I either use my mouth or I use my digits what? Or your dick well, that's a digit oh, okay, that's considering your other digit.
Speaker 4I got got you your fat digit.
Speaker 2My wee fella.
Speaker 4The unencumbered digit.
Speaker 2The learned Professor Throbinson.
Speaker 4Oh, Jumanji's going to say something. What?
Speaker 1But do you only use your mouth in the same space that you use your dick, or are there other places that you use either of those things outside of that one area?
Speaker 4No, I use my mouth in a lot of areas. Oh, where Tell?
Speaker 3us. I love Jumanji. How he uses the force there. I watched your hand. You're like, do you?
Speaker 1I was using my life's favor.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm not going to disparage Swan because she's not here to defend herself. But Swan does not use her mouth anywhere, except for maybe one area.
Speaker 4That's it.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm.
Speaker 4Just on your lips, not even that what you're just saying? She doesn't kiss you? No, not really. Does she lick you?
Speaker 2Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Speaker 4Oh, okay, and your nipples no that's what I said.
Speaker 2Only one area. So she doesn't like kiss my neck, doesn't kiss my chest doesn't kiss me anywhere other than on my lips. But that's it, not your dick. Well, no, she does that too.
Speaker 2But I mean just saying in general like you know how, if you took her out for a donut, you might be more probably not I've tried that lots of times, like you know how, maybe if you took her out for a donut you might get more. Probably not. I've tried that lots of times. Anyway, not going to disparage this one, just saying Jumanji what?
Speaker 1do you?
Speaker 4like doing then sexually, what's your favorite?
Speaker 1I'm curious to hear what you all say is my number one.
Speaker 4Your number one is fucking someone in the asshole. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1What do you say? Have you met Yep Same?
Speaker 4No, I think it's actually kissing. I think it's you like to jam it somewhere.
Speaker 2Shampoo bottles Doesn't matter. He was jamming.
Speaker 4Jam on it, a jam on it.
Speaker 1Croak of a tree. What do you say?
Speaker 3Ron tree. What do you say, ron? I would say you're more of a sensual lover. You like to give a back, rub, candles, stuff like that. You know from all our conversations, when we've you've talked about your other partners, it's like the bougie bitch and it's like okay, you like the finer things in life, so you like, you like a romantic setup, then you like to go for it. Am I correct?
Speaker 1So Ron is very close. I do enjoy very intimate experiences.
Speaker 4Lame, no, I'm just kidding. Do you want to do that with me, However?
Speaker 1if you're not into being rim that knocks you down, Mm-hmm I like that.
Speaker 2Mm-hmm. This may fix the rims on my car. They're a little. They're a little scratched up. They're low profile tires. You get too close to the curb, especially when you're parallel park. Sometimes you get scratched up a little bit is that what you mean? Do you know how to fix rims? Is that I may not be presumptuous because you're black, but it was just a question. People ask me those questions because I'm Latino. That's pretty good, you made him laugh so hard.
Speaker 4I have not seen him do this yet.
Speaker 2Oh no, he'll do it.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, he'll do it, we actually have sound clips of Jumanji laughingumanji, you're the best oh, b-man, the things you say sometimes are you embarrassed Jumanji?
Speaker 2are you saying you can't?
Speaker 4are you embarrassed?
Speaker 1no, b-man's response to things is just like are you saying you cannot refurbish my rims?
Speaker 2is that what you're saying? That's sad. Find someone who can do it. Are you saying you cannot refurbish my rims? Is that what you're saying? That's sad.
Speaker 3I'll find someone who can do it there is a sound bite, I think somewhere, of him just laughing. I think the B-band's got it somewhere.
Speaker 2I literally just said that less than 30 seconds ago.
Speaker 3Sorry, it didn't come through my head, Okay okay.
Speaker 1It wasn't a senior moment for Ron's at all, but if you never had that done, it's the best thing ever.
Speaker 4It is really nice when it's done well.
Speaker 2Yes, well, that's what I said Low profile tires A lot of times when you parallel park, a lot of times you think you're like far away from the curb, but you're not, and then you just kind of jack up your rims a little bit and then you got to get ref refurbished.
Speaker 4Also using fingers is good.
Speaker 3Sorry about that. You got that shine going to them. Is it counterclockwise or clockwise Jumanji?
Speaker 4It doesn't matter. Honey. Rons, are you saying you've never rimmed anyone?
Speaker 1I've never done that to the body.
Speaker 4Have you ever done that to Little Power Donut?
Speaker 3Oh, hundreds of times.
Speaker 4You've rim rimmed anyone to the body? Oh, have you ever done that, the little power donut? Oh, hundreds of times.
Speaker 3You've rimmed her. If I say no, it's going to go one way. If I say yes, it's going to go.
Speaker 4I want honesty. Motherfucker, which one is it?
Speaker 3Oh, with my finger yeah.
Speaker 4With your finger, but not your mouth. No, okay, are you interested in?
Speaker 3trying that with her. Are you holding the camera?
Speaker 4Sure, I'll hold the camera. Smart ass, you think I wouldn't Call my bluff bitch New guy's in the corner puking his guts out Rawr. Rawr, I'll have covers over my eyes, but I'll hold the camera. B-man doesn't know what to say.
Speaker 3he's not sure how to respond to that as long as you get, you know, like directing credits yes, I'll be like, get in there closer. Yeah, baby, lick it, stick your finger after all, you know if you want to be part of the entertainment well, I'm going to have to move on produce your own stuff.
Speaker 4B-Man can't handle this. We're done, all done let's move on. Let's move on speaking of hummus oh no, don't talk about that again what was that?
Speaker 3by the way, I got that and I'm like. Your dad dips his hummus in coffee or something like that did you watch the video? I didn't see the video, I just saw that. What are you asking? Why would you?
Speaker 2ask about context or something if you didn't watch the video? If you didn't watch the video, then you wouldn't have to ask the question. You're asking us to explain a video clip to you that you couldn't watch for two minutes.
Speaker 3Yes, yes, I am Well too bad.
Speaker 2Watch the clip Moving on. Okay, Moving on. Anyway, all right, so Vabbing is a go Donuts are awesome Maybe. We love bacon. What did you just say?
Speaker 3Hummus maybe.
Speaker 4Maybe what oh?
Speaker 3What? So? I've got a question on hummus, though I really do. Do you make your own hummus?
Speaker 4Yes.
Speaker 3Why? What do you add to it?
Speaker 4Okay, it's very simple. It's not many ingredients Pardon me, it is chickpeas, or you can call them garbanzo beans lemon juice, salt, tahini, olive oil, and those are the basic ingredients. You can add other stuff, but I I'm a purist. We're not putting spinach olive oil.
Speaker 3oh yeah, that's funny no, I make my own. Uh, I've made my own hummus before too.
Speaker 4Let's see what your take was on it. Then what did you put in yours? Baked beans Right.
Speaker 2Lemon juice.
Speaker 4Baked beans.
Speaker 2Crisco and Frank's Red Hot.
Speaker 4Sometimes people will add a little bit of parsley and or paprika or different spices, Like you can make it spicy.
Speaker 3I add red pepper to mine, red bell pepper.
Speaker 4Oh yeah, red bell pepper. Okay, so you're trying to make it a red bell pepper hummus, which I don't do. That.
Speaker 3Yeah, kind of a sweet.
Speaker 4No.
Speaker 2I don't see the point of making hummus when I can get delicious hummus very inexpensively From Shawarma King Anywhere. Hummus is pretty inexpensive, thankfully.
Speaker 1But is it something that's often processed?
Speaker 2I mean, there's a really good hummus. This is a ridiculous conversation. Meijer sells a really good brand of hummus.
Speaker 4It better not be what I think it is. You better not.
Speaker 1I wonder which one, because my hummus is from Meijer.
Speaker 4It better not be Sabra.
Speaker 2I don't know what Sabra is.
Speaker 4It's a brand. Don't buy that one.
Speaker 2Why. Because, Because their garbanzo beans are not naturally sourced.
Speaker 4No, it's made by the Israelis, not Arabs.
Speaker 2I see. So now we're saying that we can't buy things from Israelis.
Speaker 4No, not all Israelis are bad. No, I'm not saying all Israelis are bad. That is not what I said. I feel like that's what you just said.
Speaker 2No, she just said all Russians are bad too. No, I didn't say that. Well they are. Fuck you Russia.
Speaker 4Oh my gosh, such a weirdo no, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2Not all Russians are bad, just the bad ones. There's some pretty hot chicks over in Russia now you're getting Ron's excited, they produce some decent porn also.
Speaker 4Oh yeah, that's hot. Jumanji has a question. What is it?
Discussion on Adult Entertainment Industry
Speaker 1no, I don't have a question you had a comment. I can see something's about to come out of your mouth it was taking the conversation in a way that we're not going, so I'm liking where we're at right now.
Speaker 2Definitely they produce some decent glory hole porn.
Speaker 4Really. Oh yeah, I've seen some of that. That's kind of interesting. I have some friends that are swingers that like to go to places where they have glory.
Speaker 2Where.
Speaker 4I'll tell you off camera.
Speaker 2Tell me off. That's not nice.
Speaker 4Fuck off bitch. No, I will tell you later. Fascinating yes.
Speaker 1So since you brought it up, man, I'm curious. Porn show up in any of your 24-hour internet web or browser history.
Speaker 2No, mine's all I do with the incognito searches.
Speaker 4It still shows up.
Speaker 2Only if you're some sort of wizard.
Speaker 4Incognito is not necessarily private like that. I only try to find mine.
Speaker 1So Beacon is a yes.
Speaker 2I think everybody knows that I enjoy porn. I've said many times that I wish I could be a porn director. I would be an awesome writer also.
Speaker 4Yes.
Speaker 2Especially because I'm very big into cosplay and a lot of the cosplay stuff is not done very well or they'll do it with like oh, she sort of looks like Wonder Woman. No, she doesn't. And I'm like no casting needs to be much better. I'm like directing needs to be better. I would win so many. What are they? Woody Awards? I don't know what they are. I don't know, oh yeah, there is an award for porn stars. Yeah, it's a big industry. I would like to go on one of the cruises.
Speaker 2You know and they have. What is it like? A week-long convention in Vegas?
Speaker 3Yeah, I think that would be an excellent writer. What would you cast Gigi in?
Speaker 4I wouldn't, Because he's never seen me have sex and he doesn't know how good I am. That's why.
Speaker 2Apparently, Ron wants to see you.
Speaker 4He's already said he has.
Speaker 3Yeah, I do I mean I'd like to support an actress?
Speaker 2So okay, let's unpack this just a little bit.
Speaker 4Oh, my God just a little bit.
Speaker 2If, if, if little Potter Donna was to listen to this right now, how would she feel about you saying that you would like to watch Gigi have sex?
Speaker 3Why would she be fazed by it?
Speaker 2I'm just asking you a question what is your response to her to use if she was to hear that?
Speaker 3I don't think she would be fazed.
Speaker 2She doesn't care right okay, all right, so next time I'm at the dojo I will ask her you can ask her.
Speaker 3Well, you know, that's one of those things where we don't bring that subject up there, if we go ahead.
Speaker 2He wants to. He wants to watch gg have sex. Is that cool, cool. You know this person that he's actually met and has actually had conversations with. Are you cool with him watching her have sex? By the way?
Speaker 3That place is like the Highlanders in the movie the Highlander, that's like you know. They don't fight on holy ground, they don't go to the church and fight. That's one of the places where we do that.
Speaker 2I have no idea. I do not follow any of that train of thought he's saying they don't talk about that at jujitsu he doesn't do jujitsu whatever he does, we do talk about that at jujitsu.
Speaker 4Thank you, there you go yeah anyway.
Speaker 2So just to keep it, just so you know so little powder don't when you hear this episode later. I was not supportive of Ron's.
Speaker 4I love how you tried to save yourself. I hate this decision.
Speaker 2I am on your side, Little Powder Donut.
Speaker 4There, you go.
Speaker 2Ron's is a pervert and I feel like he should be castrated.
Speaker 4What if Jumanji and I had sex? Would you watch that? Ron's?
Speaker 3Sure, why not? You know, I want to support Jumanji.
Speaker 2Yeah, you want to support his balls and his dick in your mouth.
Speaker 4Hi-yo, hi-yo, hi-yo, hi-yo.
Speaker 2Hi-yo Also as a side note Gay Head is what Rons from the Slaptail podcast wants Tremonde to give him.
Speaker 3There we go, there we go. Plenty of the sun bites.
Speaker 1Nice.
Discussion on Porn Preferences and Settings
Speaker 2Any other embarrassing questions you would like to ask?
Speaker 4I want to ask Jumanji a question what kind of porn do you like?
Speaker 1I honestly enjoy a lot of different.
Speaker 4In a second yes, you can go ahead.
Speaker 2No, if he tells us, then what would be the point of me guessing? Oh, you want to guess what he okay okay, he likes really, really homely waifu white girls getting pounded by guys with tiny asian penises. It's a very niche market, oh my it's a nymph market. Is that right Jumanji.
Speaker 1Not at all.
Speaker 2Oh well, I tried.
Speaker 1Because usually those are the ones who are like oh, oh, give me that cock.
Speaker 2To Asian dudes.
Speaker 4No, they always sound so fake when they do that too. I hate that.
Speaker 1Because they're acting Right. That's what I don't want so why don't you so?
Speaker 2okay, are you aware of make love, not porn, that site no no, oh, they're actually asking for investors now.
Speaker 2I was actually thinking about investing, oh, uh. So make love, not porn, is a site that's been around for, I think, probably like five years or more now. Add that to my phone. So the lady who runs it super cool lady. She's like almost like a Dr Ruth Westheimer type. Super cool lady. So what it is is it's people submit videos to MLNP and they publish it there. They want you to submit videos where you're making love with your partner, whether it's a that person you're with, or a threesome or whatever but it's not porn. And so, and so if you buy video, you buy credits from them and you can watch videos and it supports the people who made them. You know it's a little side gig, uh, and of course, uh, it's, it's pretty good, I mean, but good, I mean. But that's the thing is, it's not. It's not porn. So you're not going to get all these crazy angles. You're not going to get crazy angles and you're not going to get close-ups and stuff, because a lot of his people are just look at his face.
Speaker 2He's like he likes the site it's homemade porn, but it's not right, it's amateur it is to say homemade videos, I should say not porn. Got it make love, not porn did you add to it already?
Speaker 4b-man? Did you create a video and put it in there?
Speaker 2Did I? No, I tried to get Swan to do it. She's like hell. No, All right, never mind then.
Speaker 4Oh, that'd be fun. I'd watch you too.
Speaker 3Thank you See she's willing to support you.
Speaker 2I doth appreciate that. I'll hold the camera. I mean, you can just use a being a connoisseur of the porn itself.
Speaker 3I'm always like damn it, I want a better angle.
Speaker 2You know, you know, I watched one one time. It's pretty funny because they put the descriptions in and they're like me and my you know, my significant other were enjoying each other, but then they'd like run in a cabin, but then there was a knock at the door.
Speaker 4It was the caretakers. We had to be really quiet. That happened one time to me, where a cop showed up at a door when I was having sex.
Speaker 2Your back door.
Speaker 1That's the shit I'm talking about.
Speaker 4No, but I would have asked the cop to, but it was very weird she opened her door. I welcome you Come in Join the party.
Speaker 2There's a bunch of people in there already.
Speaker 3Is that a nightstick? Are you happy to see me?
Speaker 2Ooh, wah, wah yeah.
Speaker 4Jumanji has the nightstick baby. There we go.
Speaker 2This is more like a black mamba. Oh, have you seen him naked?
Speaker 4I have. I have seen jumanji's junk.
Speaker 2Oh, very nice not in any like uh personal context, if you will not in a excited state, but in a sort of casual I think that he probably was excited, but I was not he was excited, but you were not.
Speaker 4What. What's happening? I don't think I've gotten it.
Speaker 1I've came to you some very vulnerable happy baby smacked it.
Speaker 4I was like, no, did you need him to look at it? Down boy, was it a medical issue?
Speaker 2Oh, my gosh. Oh, who's getting texted over there? Oh, look at me, I'm so important.
Speaker 4It was just drama from earlier and it's resolving finally. God damn it. Sometimes people drive me up a fucking wall. Anyway, Jumanji was defending his actions of popping a woody when I was. Did you pop a woody when he touched your?
Speaker 1junk. I don't think I have. Okay, I don't think I have.
Speaker 4I don't think I have, but I may have.
Speaker 1I'm pretty certain, because in those moments I was like hey, I know I was like. I don't think something's right. How is?
Speaker 2that in my face I'm standing and he's sitting.
Speaker 4Wave it away. It's awesome.
Speaker 1That was his natural state. Of course he had to slip.
Speaker 4Duck and cover.
Speaker 2Can you control that thing? What can I say?
Speaker 4That's hilarious, mr.
Speaker 3Helicopter right.
Speaker 4What, what. What's a helicopter? What do you mean, mr ron's?
Speaker 1what are you talking about? I mean, what do you mean? I'll put a video on your group, okay oh, there you go are you saying you?
Speaker 3know when I said that you are.
Speaker 4Yeah, there you go like whipping it around, gotcha, okay, okay anyway, all right.
Speaker 2Well, now that we've moved on from jumanji's junk, what was the question? What questions you have, juji gg? Oh me, yeah. What were you asking? I was asking him what kind of porn he liked.
Speaker 4And then, yes, and I was guessing, and I was wrong, okay, well.
Speaker 2So what is the porn that you like? Jumanji, now that you guys are all going to subscribe? To make love, not porn. Big shout out to make love, not porn. Make love, not porn baby you guys are awesome. You're doing you're's work.
Speaker 3There you go.
Speaker 2God of fucking I guess yes, goddess's work.
Speaker 1It honestly depends on the night. Sometimes I want amateur, sometimes I want something a little more professional, sometimes I want something with a specific porn star, or I want a certain setting in a locker room or to take place in a certain space. So then I just search for what I need in that moment.
Speaker 3Specific porn star. Who's your favorite porn star?
Speaker 1I don't know if I can say, can I say one here? Why not? Why can't you?
Speaker 4Say whatever you want.
Speaker 1I got by the name of Raheem Chabest.
Speaker 4Oh Fuck, yes. Not familiar with their work. I got by the name of Rahim Shabazz.
Speaker 1oh fuck, yes not familiar with their work, and there is only one camera and it navigates throughout the entire scene so well like Rahim Shabazz depending on who he's with, it gives a different experience yeah, all right, I'll link his video.
Speaker 4No, just kidding, I won't do that wow, okay, send me his name later because I want to look him up, and so is this okay.
Speaker 2Let me ask you this question is it, is it straight porn? Is it gay porn? Is it gay porn? Is it somewhere in between porn?
Speaker 1His is gay porn Okay.
Speaker 4Is he like jerking off and stuff and watch him slide his hand up and down his cock? That's hot.
Speaker 2Jesus Christ, calm down. I'm sorry, I'm all wound up. Let's hose her off. She's got enough to vab herself now.
Speaker 4I'm going to take a vab bath bath.
Speaker 2I've got enough to bottle that right about now. Sell it on the market, holy shit over.
Speaker 4Calm down. The chair is wet when I know she's wearing a skirt too gross.
Speaker 2She's gonna leave a mark. That's gonna leave a mark I'm sliding off the chair.
Speaker 4That's my work chair.
Speaker 2Enjoy my scent bitch I need somebody to fumigate in here. Bunch of dogs outside my window, okay, anyway, okay, god damn it. I forgot what I was going to say About porn. Yes, oh well, that's okay. Oh, oh, oh. What was I going to say? God damn you. Anyway, damn, missed a golden opportunity to ask Jumanji about oh settings. Settings Like? What other kind of what do you mean? Like settings Like?
Speaker 1what's the most bizarre setting that you're trying to think of? Bizarre, I don't know if I would say bizarre. Like I enjoy locker room, I enjoy drug stops, beave man a lot lizard this conversation over drinks.
Speaker 2I like dinner I was like well, you're not looking up very niche stuff. I'm like I'm like goth girl has sex with guys dressed like superheroes on a ballpark in the middle of the summer in Switzerland and then I get no search results. I'm like what? Why no one has made this? Who has not made this? Maybe you need to make it. That's what.
Speaker 3I'm saying, so does Jumanji. Does your story have to have a plot? Your porn movie have to have a plot?
Speaker 1Sometimes I want that and then sometimes I'm like just consider coming to shop.
Speaker 4That's hot. There's nothing like watching a dude jerk off. Watching somebody pleasure themselves, I think is very hot. I like that, because then, if I'm, is very hot, but I like that Because then, as I'm somebody that wants to do something with that person, I want to watch how they touch themselves, so I can learn and then you know what they like.
Speaker 2Yeah, I do that a lot. I'll stand in front of the mirror and just watch it.
Speaker 4I'm like, yeah, I'm the best I've ever had.
Speaker 2Yeah, give it to me Ain't no wrong with that this time I'm going to use two fingers to jerk off.
Speaker 4You're running out of room.
Speaker 1Does something start out as non-sexual.
Speaker 2I'm sorry, V-Man, go ahead. I'm right over my joke, but that's fine. What was it that you had to say?
Speaker 3Does something start out non-sexual and wind up sexual, like you'll eat a gluten-free donut and you're like, wow, that's the right size hole to rim. That's okay, I got a smile out of her. That's all I wanted I'm laughing.
Speaker 4I love it runs. You're funny. What kind of porn do you like runs?
Speaker 3I would say like, would say like Jumanji. Oh, I thought it was going to be like Jumanji, You're like. I like gay porn, I like amateur no no, no, you realize.
Speaker 2you just said that you like gay porn right, no I said if you would let me finish here.
Speaker 3I was going to go with you know, some days I like a plot, some days I like amateur. Get to the end, let's go. I haven't got that much time.
Speaker 2I feel like you could have rephrased it completely differently, though. You're right you didn't have to involve Jumanji's name at all.
Speaker 3You're absolutely right. What?
Speaker 2you said was I like the same stuff Jumanji does? That's what the audience heard. They all heard that you're like oh, ron's likes gay porn. That's what I heard. But instead of choosing to say your own thing, I should have worded that differently.
Speaker 3You're absolutely right.
Speaker 2But it was your brain taking control, because what that means is that is what you like. I'm a doctor.
Speaker 4But if you're watching straight porn, there's a lot of watching the guy jerk his dick. You're watching that and you're watching a dick go in and out. So, are you telling me that doesn't turn you on at all when you see the money shot and stuff?
Speaker 2Silence.
Speaker 3That's an interesting analogy.
Speaker 2Except you got mad the last time somebody said that to you.
Speaker 4Money shot Anyway moving on, then.
Speaker 2Well, I think that we've debased ourselves quite enough for this uh, I would believe so go ahead and uh, go ahead and say this one other type of porn that I would like to see more of. Uh, somebody work on this. I would like to. A trans female with a good booty, spit roasting, a hot brunette with a ripped dude, but there's no sexual contact between the trans female and the dude. In other words, the trans female really dicks chicks.
Speaker 4So she's a lesbian. What you're saying, correct, okay.
Speaker 2Yes.
Speaker 2Wait the the problem is. Here's the problem scientifically, from a scientific principle, is that and anybody who thinks this is not true, you have not read enough when you are transitioning to a trans female, they block your testosterone and people are like, well, how do they know where to block it to? They actually don't. They block it below what a female's level is, but then they block it even further, so they dump it into the dirt. If you dump their testosterone into the dirt, guess what happens? It is so hard for them to get an erection. So when they do, porn.
Speaker 4They very invariably a lot of them lose an erection.
Speaker 2So when they do porn they very invariably a lot of them lose their erection while they're doing the shots. So unless they have to know, like that's why I imagine probably a lot of them have to do the injection just to do porn. So well, that's only if you're a trans female that wants to keep your well, if you're a, if you dig chicks where you identify as a lesbian and you're one of those people that do want to use your ding dong, it's hard to do because they have blocked your testosterone down so low.
Comedy Show Promotion and Dates
Speaker 2So, with the type of porn that I'm looking for, gg yes, I want them to have the rock hard, not the floppage gotcha because you know it's like uh, you know it's like the old adage, you know it you can't play pool with a rope I have not heard that, that's common saying I understand what it means, I'm just I've not heard it used that phrase specifically, sorry.
Speaker 2Yes, yes, it's a good one at the microphone. Jumanji, you cannot play pool with a rope I mean you can't you just do a whole bit of just things that you say. I didn't make up that saying.
Speaker 1Like not one long joke, just things that you say.
Speaker 2I did not make up that saying that is not a B-minority.
Speaker 1I've never heard that before.
Speaker 2It was on an episode of Shameless. Oh really yes.
Speaker 4I haven't watched that one yet, alright, okay, anyway. Oh, really, yes, I haven't watched that one yet, all right, okay. Anyway, as I've said, we've debased ourselves enough and I feel like that.
Speaker 2Uh, I have yet again been demonized from oh, here we go, little violin anyway, all right. Well, uh, I guess I should. Since swan's not here, I guess I should do the uh gg. Do you have anything to promote?
Speaker 4I don't actually, unfortunately. What about your child's improv show? Oh my gosh. Yes, sorry, I need to, that's right. So beave man was wonderful enough to set up this show with kalamazoo central high school improv team to have a performance at a place, at bright house. It's called bright house, right, yep right now studios right now studios in portage, which is happening april 26. Yes, is that correct?
Speaker 2well, geez, great job I'm sorry, I suck.
Speaker 4I don't remember the date. I know it's at the end of april april 26th 26, you say yes, am I right?
Speaker 2I feel like you might be right I think I'm right I feel like you're right.
Speaker 4And unfortunately I will not be there, because I will be in a different. Way to be supportive. I'm going out of state to help a friend who's having surgery. No, it's got to be the 24th. Oh, it's the 24th, okay.
Speaker 2No, no, no, you're still going to be out of state. It's a Wednesday.
Speaker 4It's a Wednesday.
Speaker 2Oh, it's a 24th.
Speaker 4Yes, correct, 24th April 24th. April 24th, bright House Studios, 7.30, 8 pm. What time is it, sir?
Speaker 27.30 doors open. 8 pm no 6.30 doors open.
Speaker 4Sorry, 6.30 shows at 7. Just check our links. Check the links.
Speaker 2We're fucking it all up. That's fine, sorry, a big show, a very, very big show. Our show's the 26 gg, that's what it is. Yes, slap tail nation, slap your tail comedy is doing a show on friday, april 26th, at main street pub on go road. Doors open at 7 30. Eat with us in the back so that, uh, you're not eating out front. So the the waitresses that are working that room are going to make money.
Speaker 4But each of them are women, waitresses, waitstaff, whatever.
Speaker 2And then, because I requested women only, gigi.
Speaker 4Yes, you did Patriarchy.
Speaker 2And you're porn. Anyway, show starts at 8. We've got a great lineup. It's going to be a lot of fun. Small room. So get tickets right away or pay cash at the door Cash We've got no way of taking a credit card yo, and then let's see where am I going to be. Oh my God, I got a lot of stuff going on.
Speaker 4What about May the 4th?
Speaker 2I'm not done with my stuff yet. I will be in Lansing at some club on the 28th and I don't remember signing up for that show, uh-oh, but I'll be doing it anyway. And then let's see. And let's see. The Boy will be performing also on the 24th at an open mic at River City Saloon in Grand Rapids, so that'll be fun. And then, may 4th, slaptail Nation is doing their Celebrating Star Wars Day at the Crawl Space Comedy Theater. That's going to be a huge show. Please, cosplay as Star Wars. I'd like to see some sexy stormtroopers. I don't care if you're dudes or chicks. Sexy, make us sexy stormtroopers. I don't care if you're dudes or chicks. Sexy, mega sexy.
Speaker 2Sexy and Beavman I do believe you have a warning. If you show up as a Star Trek character, you're the only one that we have to warn about that, because nobody else is going to do that. Nobody else is stupid enough to do that, and if they do, I guarantee you you show up in Star Wars, star Trek stuff. I will throw you out there you go.
Speaker 2I gives two shits. I will throw you the fuck out. It's my goddamn show and I won't have to. Anyway, you'll get the shit beat out of you by a bunch of star wars fans oh, they're all nerds, you know I'm a nerd and I can beat the fuck out of a lot of people ron's so can I? Yeah, and I'm a nerd yeah and then june 1st, first day of pride, we also have a show at Crawl Space Comedy Theater.
Goodbye and Shout-Out Banter
Speaker 2That one is in the works right now You're saying Pride Month, pride Month, first day of Pride Month, yep Foshiz, all right, and that's it for me. The B-Band Sean JJ Hutchins with Monsters Lair Adios. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 4Thank you, we're still in the top 30 in Cyprus. That's fantastic. I don't know why.
Speaker 2Thank you, Cyprus, though Send me some bureaus. I don't know. All right, that's it for me, the B-Man.
Speaker 4Adios, muchachos, Masalami habibis. I don't know what that means. It means goodbye, sweetheart Deuces. I'm from the Rons. Why do you have to? Talk over Jumanji you asked me a question, what it means. I was trying to tell you you could have waited Jumanji.
Speaker 2Go ahead, do it again deuces.
Speaker 3And once again from the Rons, shout out to JD I already did that why, are you shouting out at him again?
Speaker 2I just did that. Why are you stepping on my name again? I just did that. What are you doing? Why are you? Why are you stepping on my dick? What's wrong with?
Speaker 3you. Oh well, didn't mean to, it's not good enough.
Speaker 1Okay, let's see if I can complete this one without someone interrupting it's honestly not good enough and from the runs.
Speaker 3You know what I'm gonna say. Stay sane, motherfuckers.
Speaker 2It's a crazy world out there you don't know, my dick is not actually long enough to step on.